There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
