I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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