If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
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his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
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Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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