dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
