ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
