im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
