Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
