My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
