No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
