Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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