I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
