she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Pants are for mortals
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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