Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
