swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
