I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
