I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
