I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
