If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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