I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
