just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
