he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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