Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
