Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
