Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
