i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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