considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
