If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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