who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
