On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
