I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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