I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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