I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
