after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
