that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
