I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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