i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
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Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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