my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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