I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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