I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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