Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
