hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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