Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
