the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
