so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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