my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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