I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
