I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
