and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sober January is a disaster.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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