next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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