Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
