i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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