My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
