am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
