please come you make the beer taste better
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
