I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
