I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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